Mackgurl's Musings

              All the days with you               From now until forever               Love shines in my eyes

Slowly, you wade cautiously through the depths... In water, not murky, but not the blue of crystals... Cautious, hesitant...afraid of making waves... A plethora of thoughts, birthed from episodic overthinking... These thoughts serve to weigh you down, like stones ... Tied around your waist, your legs, your arms...yet still you wade... Until one day, that day you decide no more wading... No more sloshing through what-ifs and maybes... Now you're jumping in with both feet, eyes wide...into the deep end... Full speed... No stones... No worries... No fears... Just stepping out on faith... Walking on water.                                                                                                                ...

Looking out on an expanse of tranquility... Here I sit...alone but not lonely... Between them there is a difference... It's subtle, yet deep in its intensity... Alone, a stone of thoughts... Small and light...will skip across the serenity of blue... Smooth ripples, endless ripples that dance across the surface... Calming in its undulating rhythm... Lonely, a boulder of thoughts... Big and heavy...would not skip or dance across the peaceful oasis... Rough swells, endless swells that battle much deeper than the surface... Torrential in its unrelenting cadence... Here I sit...alone but not lonely... The difference between them... a choice, a mindset... A lone stone, small and light...skipping and dancing... Or a boulder, rough and heavy...sinking you to the bottom, ruining the quiet blue.

The sound of your voice soothes me... Its dulcet tones wash over me... Bathing me in honey dipped sweetness that I will always remember... Smiling, I close my eyes... To sleep and to dream... One thought prevalent on my mind... Before sleep claims me... I remember that in the morning... I will have more honey.

At my usual spot, a table for one... Yes that one...the one, a way from the kitchen but near a window... I sit with a clear view of life as it passes by... Sitting in my usual spot, a table for one... I stare into tomorrow...wondering how just yesterday, I was certain... Certain that THIS is where I would always be... But now my usual spot, a table for one... That one is too small...amazing how just yesterday, I was certain... Certain that THIS table would always be for me... So my usual spot, my table for one... Has been changed...Yesterday is gone, and today there's me and you... And that table for one, is now a table for two. Photo by Juli Kosolapova

In the stillness of her bedroom, alone in the dark, in the quiet...she tests her voice...her words...unsure of the delivery but so wanting them to be heard...to be felt... “Love?” She whispers on a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding...”Love?” She says a little louder but only just...”I miss  you...tonight, when you close your eyes to sleep come find me...I will be waiting for you when I close my eyes to dream..."

Out of the blue, you appeared in my life... Like the sun, peeking from the clouds after a storm So bright, you seemed to glow and radiate such  warmth. In your presence, well... I feel your care, your VOICE , your SMILE ... How can I possibly feel your VOICE ?! How can I feel your SMILE? ! Am I crazy? When I'm with you, well... I hear your heart, I hear your EYES ... I hear your EYES !  Am I crazy?! I thought that if I admitted... At least to myself, t hat I liked you - a little, it  would help. But, no, I still feel your SMILE caressing my lips - when I'm alone. Maybe I am crazy? I figured if I admitted... At least to myself, that I liked you more than a little, that would be enough. But no, I can still feel your VOICE surrounding me - when I'm alone. OH GOD, I must be crazy?!! I hoped that if I admitted... At least to myself, that I love you - a little, it would stop these crazies! But no, I can still hear your EYES talking to me - when I'm alone. So today, I stan...

A house built with straw A house built with sticks We know how the story goes Quickly thrown together A few flowers, a few kisses, a few sweet words And then the wolf takes a deep breath A house built with straw A house built with sticks We know how the story goes The wolf begins to blow Exhaling puffs of anger, huffs of misunderstandings Stirring your hurt feelings and making you run A house built with straw A house built with sticks Is no match for a house built with bricks It's foundation is strong Built on friendship, laughter Spending time together, learning one another It can withstand a hurricane of tears It can withstand the tides of raised voices A shelter from the huffs of disappointments But it takes more time to build It takes more care, more effort Ensuring that the foundation is set A house built with straw A house built with sticks A house built with bricks We know how the story goes Now, which house do you prefer? And which house will you choose to build?

Your hands… exploring… your fingers… searching and finding… t he gravity at the center of me that holds me down… one touch launches me… the second touch s ets me free… i nto the heavens… seeing stars and feeling moon dust.

Snuggled in these arms of yours they hold me close and tight...not to hurt or restrict but to reassure me that all is well... that here it’s okay to take down my walls... that here in the shelter of your arms, listening to the music created by the beating of your big warm heart I am safe... I am home.